6:50 p.m.
Welcome back everybody. Let’s take a few minutes here to gather our thoughts and get settled in before our weekly “feel good, happy show” starts. I’ve come to the realization that I’ve been too hard on this show and I really need to take it on “its” terms, meaning there are a lot of crappier TV shows on right now in the summer. I should be grateful that Rob is not having me cover Blue Bloods or whatever other shitty CBS cop procedural show there is. You want any TV that you start watching weekly to be epic, like Breaking Bad, Lost, The Wire, The Sopranos and (I may be in the minority here) Justified.
Television has evolved into something so much better than it was pre-2000’s. I mean, think about the dramas that we grew up with (I just turned 34). There was nothing but ER, Quantum Leap and I guess NYPD Blue. Everything else was just a wasteland of shows that had no substance and were mainly vehicles for B-list actors or possibly upcoming actors. It was like the minor leagues for Hollywood. Even the good shows I listed above never provoked or sustained the general public’s interest like today’s good TV shows. I mean, obviously the social media evolution helps, but even if you took that away, the good shows would still have broken through.
The Leftovers, if it had come out in 1989, might have been king of the hill. The Leftovers still hasn’t shown all its cards so maybe even in 2014 it could be carrying pocket aces and climb on top of the summer TV pecking order. I think we’re basically at the halfway point of the season and, so far, we’ve just been learning about each character and what their current mental state is. We have a couple of things in play that are in the serial/magic/mystery category, such as the basic questions of why the Departure happened and why specific bad/good people were chosen. Who is Holy Wayne and why does he have special powers? Why does Sheriff Kevin have the worst TV tat since Jack on Lost and why, like Jack, does he have the permanent perfect looking facial hair growthy thing going on?
The show I’m hoping for will be mystery-heavy, or least 50/50 with the character study angle that they have been pushing but continue to have the mystery serialized elements that Breaking Bad/Lost had. The mystery is what brings me back each week. I don’t want a show of people just feeling bad and hiring prostitutes to shoot you while you wear a bullet-proof vest and rock out to Slayer. We get it… people are rightfully f**ked up from the Departure. If you’re a dumb woman, you join the white gang; if you’re a bewildered dude, you drink and start shooting stray dogs…We get it… Let’s move on to a new plot angle please. Let’s hope this back-end of the season brings more to the table instead of a re-imagining of the show Thirty Something:
http:// www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wRqBV9VVuU
Capisce?
7 p.m.
We start the show with Judging Amy star Miss Laurie Garvey staring at some posted up pictures of the white gang lady who was stoned to death with the caption “Save them.” Naturally, she feels like she doesn’t need to be saved, and as she starts ripping off the posters. She spots and hands us off to her daughter, Jill.
7:02 p.m.
We go with Jill into the woods, along with the Mapleton Winklevoss twins and a few others. In the history of TV teenagers, the ones on this show may be the most unlikable and seriously disturbed. They all act like they’re future serial killers. They are taking turns locking each other in a refrigerator. Did they not see the very special episode on Punky Brewster that covered this?!!!!
Let’s all pray to god that one of these numskulls knows CPR.
7:04 p.m.
We next join Americas’ new favorite Ross and Rachel showmance with Kevin and Nora who look like they’re going to engage in some “afternoon delight”. So much for the buildup of “will they or won’t they”.
7:06 p.m.
Back to Camp Crystal Lake, and Jill breaks the “locked in a refrigerator” time. What’s next after this? Flatliners?
Side note: I was obsessed with Flatliners when it first came out, mostly because of the “hot at the time” cast. It was one of the rated R movies my mom wouldn’t let me watch, but don’t worry…I snuck it in one night…I won that war.
So back to the show…The fridge handle breaks off, so Jill naturally starts having a stage four panic attack. Someone screams to F*****G call 911… No someone F*****G Punky! Out of nowhere Jill’s grandfather Scott Glenn shows up and gets the fridge opened…Truthfully, I’ve never forgiven Scott Glenn for killing Kurt Russell in Backdraft, (a criminally underrated movie).
7:09 p.m.
After the creepy credits end, we get to catch up with Tom Garvey with the creepy under-aged pregnant girl he’s been tasked to protect by Wayne. He shares that he hasn’t heard from Wayne in two months. Just like that, he gets a call from Wayne who looks like he’s in Buffalo Bill’s secret floor from Silence of the Lambs. He tells Tom to take the rest of the money that Tom has and leave it by a mailbox. Tom gets a little too lippy for Wayne’s liking. What is going on with Wayne?!!!! One week he’s charging two grand for hugs in New York and the next moment he’s in some creepy place acting crazy on top of crazy.
7:12 p.m.
Liv Tyler looks as natural and believable as a white gang member as I would be leading a Fox news broadcast. Thankfully, Nora squirts her with a hose before she could do too much damage to the scene. Kevin and Nora take the party inside and start day-drinking, which never leads to good things unless you’re on an island somewhere, or you have a goal to black out and get sloppy. Nora makes another awkward statement and love is put on hold.
7:15 p.m.
Back at home, Sheriff Kevin has a conversation with Jill and Aimee about his dad. They tell him that his father is not at the old-folks home. We go to the police station with Kevin and find out that his dad burnt down the library a few years back and generally lost his marbles. They come up with a search plan like his dad, his Dr Richard Kimble. The sheriff checks in with the mayor who I guess was his dad’s girlfriend but she states that his crazy became too much and that he wouldn’t come to see her because he is going to see him.
7:19 p.m.
A weird fever dream-ish series of events happens with rabid dogs, the random dog-shooter guy, Tom back home slamming the door on Kevin, his wife with a bag over her head and a mailbox with Old Yeller with rabies in it trying to attack him. He wakes up and I have no clue what the hell all that meant. Can somebody explain it to me? He also wakes up to some bite on his hand and a dog tied up in his yard. Aimee states that he brought the dog home last night. Before we could explore this further he gets a call.
7:23 p.m.
We go to the library where Sherriff Kevin’s dad beat the shit out of a cop, got into the library and made just a mess of things. Books being hurt…Nobody wins. Apparently he wanted to buy something as he asked to borrow two hundred dollars. I guess we will find out why later, I’m guessing a box of Chia Pets.
7:25 p.m.
Tom with the six grand goes to the mailbox to drop off the money. He looks unhappy about said mission. We don’t get anymore…I was expecting to write more, but nothing else happened here.
7:27 p.m.
Back at home with Jill and she sees her crazy grandpa in the backyard playing with the dog. He comes in and tries to hit her up for the two hundred but settles for some tranquilizers to drug up the dog. Kevin comes back home and takes his dad away. Jill finds a note, but we don’t see what it says…Yay, another mystery on this show.
7:31 p.m.
In the car Kevin and his dad have a Cliff Huxtable/Theo father/son talk. They come across the white gang in droves in the middle of the street and his father makes a run for it and escapes. Some opera-like music plays and the sheriff walks in slow-motion… end of scene……..what?
7:34 p.m.
Back with Jill and The Winklevoss twins. We see Jill using their credit card to buy something, but no answers yet on what.
7:35 p.m.
Tom sees somebody pick up the cash he left and he follows him to a motel. He breaks in the door and discovers another dude and more importantly, or more creepily, another under-aged (I’m guessing) Asian pregnant girl. Oh snap! We got ourselves some sick shit happening here. I wonder if those two girls have green eyes…If so, this subplot is blatantly ripping off Big Trouble in Little China:
7:38 p.m.
Back at home with Sheriff Kevin and Aimee who share their weekly “I wonder what episode Kevin is going to get shit-faced in and regretfully sleep with his daughter’s high school friend” moment. I’m guessing it will happen in the next couple of episodes. After that fun moment, Kevin flushes all his pills away except for a few to finish the job his father started, drugging the dog. After doing this he finds the flyer that the reverend left over that night when he dug up the money to take to the roulette table. He calls the reverend and finds out that his father is with him. They agree to meet up in a little bit.
7:40 p.m.
Tom and his new doppelganger reminisce about the similarities in their two journeys. Before the joy gets two high, the new pregnant girl that we just met starts shooting a gun for some reason. What a party-pooper. Tom politely leaves the motel.
7:43 p.m.
Kevin meets up with dad at their favorite diner. His dad presents him with a 1972 National Geographic magazine that supposedly has some meaning. He tells Kevin that he has to accept it, but while doing so he starts talking to the voices in his head and acts crazy. Grandpa gets up and starts screaming, starts showcasing that crazy people strength as it takes a handful of officers to detain him. The opera music plays again and we get slow-motion action, which I guess is supposed to signify this moment meaning more than meets the eye. They calm him down back at the station and he tells Kevin that he’s not going to give up on him. Kevin and the reverend exchange some heartfelt goodbyes. End scene.
7:51 p.m.
Sheriff Kevin goes to Nora’s house for a late night booty call. They start wrestling or something. Cut to Liv Tyler being a busybody telling Kevin’s wife that he’s sleeping with Nora, but she doesn’t seem to mind.
7:54 p.m.
After some pillow talk with Nora, Kevin goes home to find the same National Geographic magazine that his father tried to give him, this time bought by Jill. He screams at her and throws it in the trash, but then goes back to it as the music starts pumping and we cut away….
7:56 p.m.
Tom gets a phone call but decides to let it go to voicemail and then throws it against a wall shattering it into pieces. He goes back to his lair and finds Christine not in her bed and a trail of blood that leads to her in the bathtub having given birth to a little girl named Northwest Holy Wayne. The show ends…
Wrap-Up:
So this was a pretty weird episode. I can deal with pretty weird. This is kind of what I asked for at the beginning of the night, isn’t it? It was filled with new mysteries and intrigue. I really hope that the National Geographic magazine actually means something and isn’t just a throw-away plot device to establish how crazy Kevin’s father is. We got another pregnant Asian girl, which I guess means something in the grand scheme of things. What was with the random blackout that Kevin had that led to him getting a dog?
This was a good week; I think one of the strongest episodes of the season. What did everybody else think?
